Sometimes
by who0wnsmyh34rt
Summary: Sometimes, Nate doesn't sleep on the couch. (Chate / Chuck and Nate slash drabble type thing. Possibly an intro to a larger fic, but who knows. More info inside. Rated M just in case I turn it into a fic, but there's no graphic-ness in this. For now.)


**A/N: This is my first attempt at writing Gossip Girl characters, please don't hold it against me if I get any characterization wrong. I'm only on season 2 of the show and never read the books, so obviously this is the TV verse. I just love these two to death, and they have fantastic chemistry that I'm sure everyone has noticed. So, also obviously, this is set season one, before Chuck sleeps with Blair. This is short, but I hope it's sweet, and please tell me what you think!**

Sometimes, Nate doesn't sleep on the couch.

Sometimes, he's curled into Chuck's bed like a five year old escaping the monsters in his closet. But for Nate, the monsters were his parents, and they weren't just in his closet. They were everywhere.

So it came as no surprise to Chuck when Nate turned to him, asking to stay in suite 1812 for an indefinite amount of time. Chuck knew Nate's father was an insufferable man and ignorant of his son's desires, and Nate's mother was the definition of "sit there and look pretty." So Chuck didn't say a thing when Nate began sleeping there. It was like all the times they'd slept over at each other's houses when they were kids, and had separate palates on the floor or their own beds and rooms to sleep in, but somehow Chuck would always end up waking to Nathaniel Archibald lying next to him. He never complained.

Sometimes, when Nate is curled up next to Chuck in bed, Nate will tell his best friend that he is in fact, not in love with Blair Waldorf. That she's just safe, that he wants something-someone-more exciting, rather than catillions and balls and cocktail parties and planned futures.

And Chuck will tell Nate to go and get it, to grasp what he wants in life and hold on to it and damn what his father thinks. And Nate will agree, and they'll go to sleep, and the next day Chuck will see Nate telling Blair he loves her, always has, always will.

Because Chuck knows Nate better than anyone on the planet, he knows that Nate will never go for what he truly wants. He knows Nathaniel Archibald has much more potential in him than he realizes, but he will never use it. Because Chuck knows that Nate will always choose being safe over being happy, and that is why Nate has Chuck. Chuck Bass is Nate's escape, his saving grace, if you will. Chuck Bass is everything Nate wants to be, but is too afraid to attempt. Because honestly, if Nate found himself being asked a serious question, and he ever replied, "I'm Nathaniel Archibald," he would just feel ridiculous.

So that's why Nate has Chuck. That's why Nate is so attached to Chuck, ever since they were kids. He can stand by and watch from his safe life, Chuck Bass being Chuck Bass, and he can admire.

But why does Chuck have Nate?

Sometimes, Chuck talks to Nate. He tells him that sure, the party life is fun, and being Chuck Bass does have its obvious benefits. But who will ever love someone that can't love themselves, and seeks an outlet through hookers and his father's female hotel staff, and alcohol, and drugs? Not that Chuck _wants_ to be loved, he tells Nate that he's just fine being the Grade A asshole that everyone hates, but admires. It's just a nice thought, being able to be loved, in any way.

So this is why, sometimes, Chuck Bass pins Nate to the bed he's crawled into, and kisses him sweetly. As sweetly as Chuck Bass can kiss a person. This is also why Chuck runs his hands all along Nate's perfection of a body, as gently as he can, feeling every dip and plane and crevice possible, memorizing every inch of Nate's skin. Because Chuck wants to pretend that sometimes, Nathaniel Archibald loves him, and he loves him back.

It's a great thing to pretend, because sometimes, it almost feels real...to both of them. Nate can have the excitement he longs for in a person, the thrill of the person he loves being unpredictable and him not knowing what will happen next with them. And Chuck can have the security of everything that is Nathaniel Archibald, even his uncertainty. Chuck can have the feeling of being loved, being safe, knowing that this someone will always be there no matter what happens.

Then, _all the time_, they both wake up and Nate pretends he didn't get into bed with Chuck, and Chuck pretends like he didn't leave a deep, suckling bruise on Nate's hip the night before. Nate goes back to Blair, and tells her he loves her, and attends her parties and is a good boyfriend, to the best of his ability.

Chuck goes back to watching Nate do this, and pretends that sometimes, he could just walk up to Nate and kiss him, whisper tantalizing things in his ear and make Nate realize that he has the someone he longs for, has the excitement in his life he so desperately seeks. But Chuck doesn't. He stays quiet and waits for Nate to crawl into bed with him, and for the cycle to begin again.

Because, sometimes, Chuck Bass is in love with Nathaniel Archibald, and sometimes, he is much too proud to admit it.


End file.
